I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
