Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
