do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
