im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
