Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
