sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Why is there bacon in the couch?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
