dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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