and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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