I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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