The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
