Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
