I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you traded sex for a burrito?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
