Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
