My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
