I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Randomize
