you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
