If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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