even my farts smell like vagina
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
