i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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