Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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