i just wanna soil my oats bro
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
