There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
