I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
