3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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