I like my sex mixed with concussions.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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