so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
