ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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