No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
