wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
