im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
