did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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