Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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