On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
