I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
