the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
