I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
