I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
last night I used snow as a chaser
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
