bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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