when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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