i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
