if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
