whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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