my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
