So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
