If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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