When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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