dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
