Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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