My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
