My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
