where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I know her cup size but not her name....
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