Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
