we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
