Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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