mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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