peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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