I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
