Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
