so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
