My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
