I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
